Show, Don’t Tell: A More Effective Way to Support Early Language Development
- Zachary Kopp
- Jan 18
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 18
Does this sound familiar?
Family is visiting. Your child is happily playing nearby. Earlier in the week, you heard them recite all the colors of the rainbow, and you couldn’t wait to show everyone. So you gather your family, call your child over, and say, “Tell everyone your colors!” or “What color is the apple?”
Everyone watches, smiling and waiting for the answer.
Your child looks around… looks at you… shrugs… and goes right back to playing.
And you wonder, “They know this! Why won’t they say it?”
Let me reassure you: it’s not laziness, stubbornness, or an attempt to “be difficult.”
Many parents I work with say, “They talk, but only when they want to!” or “They answer questions, but only on their terms.” And those parents are right – children often communicate beautifully during natural play and daily routines. But when asked to perform on command, especially in front of others, the words suddenly disappear.
Let’s talk about why, and what you can do instead to encourage stronger language development using simple, child-friendly speech strategies.
Why Children Freeze When Asked to “Perform”
When we tell a child, “Say this” or “Show me that word,” we usually get less talking, not more. This is especially true for young children and kids with early language delays.
Three big reasons are:
1. It puts pressure on “performance speech.”
Performance speech is when a child is asked to recite or prove what they know. Even adults get stage fright when everyone is watching—children feel this too. The pressure can shut down speech rather than encourage it.
2. It’s not a natural interaction.
Think about how you use language every day: describing things, narrating stories, making jokes, sharing ideas and preferences. Kids learn language by watching and participating in these real interactions. A pop-quiz-style question (“Tell me the color!”) pulls them out of the natural flow.
3. It’s not fun or meaningful.
Children learn best when an activity is enjoyable and connected to what they’re already doing. A sudden test-style question often interrupts something exciting – like pretending, building, or exploring – and can cause them to disengage.
So if quizzing doesn’t help… what does?
Show, Don’t Tell
As a speech therapist, one of the most effective approaches I use is "Show, Don’t Tell."
Instead of telling a child what to say, I model it naturally within the activity we’re already doing. I make the language meaningful, playful, and clearly connected to what’s happening.
A quick example:
Instead of telling your child:
“Tell me what color the apple is!”
You can show how to use the word you want to practice play:
“This red apple looks juicy! Oh no! This brown apple is rotten! Yuck! The red apple goes in the basket. Not the brown apple!”
Why this works:
You’re showing how and why the words matter.
The language fits the play.
Your child hears the words repeatedly and naturally.
Using color words becomes part of the game, not a performance.
Children pay more attention, stay engaged longer, and are more likely to imitate or spontaneously use the words themselves.
How to Use “Show, Don’t Tell” in Daily Life
This strategy works almost anywhere. Here are easy examples you can use today:
1. Pretend Play
“I’m the captain! Captains drive boats. Look, I’m driving over a big wave!”
We model the character instead of asking, “What does a captain do?”
2. Reading Together
“He climbs up the beanstalk. Wow! The beanstalk is so tall. Up the beanstalk he goes!”
We describe and connect ideas instead of quizzing with, “Tell me what he is doing.”
3. Daily Routines
“I pick up the toothbrush. These bristles need toothpaste. Here it comes!”
We narrate instead of asking, “What do we do with a toothbrush?”
Why “Show, Don’t Tell” Supports Stronger Early Language
Kids learn by watching how adults talk in context – not by being tested. When you show language:
You reduce pressure.
You make communication meaningful.
You help your child understand when and how to use new words.
You invite – not demand – participation.
The more your child sees and hears language being used in fun, natural ways, the more they’ll want to talk and practice using their growing vocabulary.
The Bottom Line
If you want your child to show their language skills, don’t ask them to “perform.”
Instead:
Play with them
Model the words you want to hear
Make it fun and meaningful
The more you show language in action, the more your child will learn. And the more confident they’ll become in using their words!
Happy Teaching,
Mr. Zak, SLP